


Now Is Not Too Late

by EscapingReality51



Category: Emmerdale
Genre: Aaron coming to terms with Seb, Canon Compliant, Communication, M/M, me working through my feelings, what next
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-20
Updated: 2018-02-02
Packaged: 2019-03-06 23:59:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 13,963
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13422378
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EscapingReality51/pseuds/EscapingReality51
Summary: Aaron and Robert live in the village but they are separate, by choice, by circumstances.Aaron comes to terms with Seb's presence in Robert's life.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> this is me working through my feelings. if you don't want to read about Aaron accepting Seb, then don't read this. I'm not trying to fix canon, or trying to force a narrative down anyone's throat, I'm literally just tired of being angry about a very possible outcome of this SL so I thought I'd write about it. if you do want to read about Aaron accepting Seb, then I hope you enjoy this.

Aaron’s walking home from the scrapyard the first time he sees Robert out with Seb after the funeral. Robert looks tired, hair ruffled and expression overwhelmed but he pushes the pram along nonetheless, with Seb quietly enjoying the ride. Aaron freezes at the sight - it’s so domestic, so not the Robert he knows and yet here he is, taking care of his son because there is no one else. Robert is all Seb has.

Robert spots him and gives him a small nod, even a smile. Aaron nods back but his eyes can’t move away from the pram and the person lying inside it. It hurts, even now seeing Robert and Seb cuts a fresh hole into Aaron’s heart, makes him remember everything he has lost. They are supposed to be friends and maybe that’ll come but right now, Aaron needs time. He turns around and walks the other way.

 

The portacabin has become a place of awkward silences and short-lived conversations. With Adam gone, Aaron’s running the scrapyard mostly on his own, and sharing that portacabin with Robert is interesting, to say the least. Most days Robert works from home but on the occasional day where Vic or Diane can take Seb he’s there, going through paperwork, taking phone calls, talking, eating, breathing. Existing. Those days are the hardest.

They are the days where Aaron can almost taste him on his tongue, can almost feel Robert on his skin, can remember what it felt like to have Robert, to have every part of him. The work around each other with a heartbreaking familiarity, with gut-wrenching knowledge about the other’s habits. Robert knows just how Aaron likes his tea and, after asking whether Aaron wants one, uses Aaron’s favourite mug. Aaron can tell when Robert starts shivering and closes the windows without question. It’s easy and it’s the hardest thing Aaron has to do. So he goes outside - he organises the yard, he takes cars apart, he makes sure he stays outside the four walls that leave them alone together.

Robert’s talking to a particularly difficult client when Aaron walks in, hands cold despite the thick gloves, for a lunch break. Aaron brings out his pre-packed sandwich and sits down at his desk while Robert talks, at times demanding and tough and at times yielding and diplomatic. Aaron doesn’t know anyone who does business as well as Robert does.

By the time the phone call is over and they’ve come to an agreement, Aaron’s finished his lunch and is brushing the crumbs off his desk. Robert hangs up with a heavy sigh, shooting Aaron an apologetic look.

“Sorry about that,” he says, eyes lingering on Aaron’s face in a way that makes Aaron blush slightly.

“No worries,” Aaron replies gruffly. “Manage to get it sorted then?”

“Yeah, after a lot of trouble and grovelling…” Robert’s voice trails off and he looks at Aaron expectantly. Aaron doesn’t know what to say.

So he goes for: “How’re you coping? With everything?”

Robert’s eyes widen and he clears his throat. He sits down on the edge of the desk before answering. “Alright… I mean it’s a lot, taking care of an infant, but Vic’s been great…” Aaron nods along as Robert speaks but it’s becoming increasingly hard to breathe. “Seb’s sleeping a couple of hours at a time so I’m pretty knackered.” Robert’s smiling and it hurts, much more than Aaron wants it to. “How’re you and Alex?” Robert says it without a hint of the conversation they had a little over a month ago.

“Good, yeah. He’s good, and it’s…”

“Good?” Robert finishes, a smile on his lips. That smile that shows off his teeth a bit and has his mouth lifted more on one side than another. Aaron loved that smile. Now he gets up out of his chair and nods towards the yard.

“I need to get back out there…” he says, and Robert’s smile falters.

“Sure, go ahead.” His eyes follow Aaron as he makes his way to the door. “Been good talking to you,” Robert says.

“Yeah,” is all Aaron manages before he walks out of the portacabin and finds something heavy he can throw around.

 

“I was thinking,” Alex says as they walk towards the café together, “we could go and see a movie tomorrow evening. I’m off work and I thought we could spend it together.”

“Sounds good,” Aaron replies. He is smiling as he says it. Why shouldn’t he? Alex is nice, Alex is kind and great and different. Maybe that’s why Aaron’s smiling.

They’re going for lunch and Aaron hoped that would mean the café was almost empty, no prying eyes or family members intent on interrupting or getting in the way. This way, it’s just them, him and Alex.

“There’s that new musical out, The Greatest Showman?” Alex asks. Aaron can’t help but guffaw. “Sorry, not your taste…”

“Not really,” Aaron says, his voice joking. He reaches the door and pushes it open, making the bell go off. Alex walks in ahead of him. As soon as Aaron enters his eyes find Vic and Robert, having lunch with Seb.

Seb’s wearing a beige bear onesie and sitting on Vic’s lap, leaning back with a smile on his face. Robert is completely smitten, smiling at him while he eats and chats to Vic about whatever. Aaron can’t hear. It doesn’t matter anyway. They are the picture of domesticity and Aaron isn’t a part of it.

“Aaron?” Alex is looking back from the counter and only then does Aaron realise he has frozen in place. He meets Robert’s eye, who has suddenly realised Aaron is there, and puts a foot in front of the other until he’s standing next to Alex and he’s forcing himself not to look back.

“Sorry,” Aaron mumbles and all Alex does is shrug. They’ve had this conversation too many times and Aaron can’t bear to have to go through it again. To have to lie.

“Know what you want?” Alex asks. His voice is curt, withdrawn. Aaron scans the menu quickly, finger tapping on the counter.

“BLT thanks,” he says. “I’ll get us a table, yeah?”

He chooses one as far from Robert as possible, in the corner with a chair on either side. He takes out his phone as a distraction but his eyes keep flitting to them, to Vic and then to Seb.

He can’t help it. It’s not that he wants to hurt but Seb is waving an arm around a bit and looking over at Aaron - not that he can see that far at this point - but it’s like he’s seeing him, waving at him. Aaron’s stomach clenches but he can’t seem to look away.

Seb is cute. He’s got Robert’s features already and somehow that just makes it worse. Makes him more cute and makes Aaron’s chest constrict more. Makes his heart ache. It’s everything he wanted but there’s a wall between them and Aaron doesn’t know how to knock it down. That’s the worst of it - Robert’s so close and Aaron’s the one that can’t move on, can’t move past the knot in his stomach that makes him stay away.

Vic catches his eye and he looks away, feigning interest in his phone, hoping she didn’t notice. He isn’t sure it works.

Alex joins him when he’s placed the order and they talk - about work, about the hospital, about Alex’s aunt whose birthday is coming up - but Aaron doesn’t know how to appear interested anymore. His head is swimming with thoughts that he can’t express, emotions that keep him anchored to the person who almost broke his heart for good.

“So you want to come?” Alex asks, breaking through Aaron’s fog.

“You what?”

Alex’s smile falters. “To my aunt’s birthday? Mum’s dying to meet you and it won’t be a big thing…”

“Right,” Aaron says. His gaze flickers to Vic, who is handing a sleeping Sebastian over to Robert. “Eh, when is it?”

Alex sighs, his hands fidget in his lap. “I figured you weren’t listening.”

“I - I was, I just,” Aaron begins but it doesn’t work. Not this time. Alex looks over his shoulder and sees Robert, which just makes him shake his head. The disappointment in his eyes almost makes Aaron want to stop him when he gets up, looking down at Aaron with a sullen expression.

“Call me when you stop being obsessed with your ex, yeah?”

It’s more brazen than Aaron thought Alex was capable of being, but as Alex leaves Aaron knows there’s a reason why it always felt… different. There always has been.

Robert and Vic are preparing to leave while Bob arrives with the sandwiches they ordered. Aaron smiles at him and tries to force his eyes to look the other way as Robert gets up and places Seb back in the stroller. Robert meets his eye and smiles, a hesitant but honest smile, a smile that only reaffirms what Aaron already knows. Aaron looks away and picks up a sarnie while they leave. Only when the bell rings indicating the door is closed does Aaron let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding.

 

Liv knows something is off but doesn’t comment. Chas reminds him of all the good qualities Alex has and her pauses are meant to compare those to Robert but she cannot understand that there is no comparison. Paddy is kind and tries to get him to talk but it doesn’t work. Only in counselling can he try to make sense of his feelings but sometimes you have to be aware of them in order to even begin to unravel them.

 

He calls Alex - he has to after everything - but not because he wants to come to the aunt’s birthday. Alex must see it as soon as Aaron steps into the coffee shop in Hotten, must see the way Aaron’s looking everywhere but at him, how he is fidgety and awkward.

Aaron tries to be kind about it but there’s no easy way of saying it.

“I have a lot on my mind, and I honestly don’t know what I’m feeling. I need time, yeah? I can’t think straight anymore and it’s not fair on you if I don’t know where this is going…”

Alex is staring at the table, fixed on some immaterial point as he listens to Aaron ramble. Finally he’s had enough, meets Aaron’s gaze with a vicious glint in his eye.

“You sleeping with him?” he asks.

“Who?” Aaron replies. He doesn’t know who it could be until -

“Robert.” Alex says the name as if he is spitting poison. Aaron doesn’t recoil.

“No,” he says. “This has nothing to do with Robert.”

“This has everything to do with Robert. You still love him and the only person you can’t admit that to is yourself,” Alex says, getting up and glaring at him. “I knew you might not be over him but the way you look at him when he’s around…” Alex shakes his head in pity. “I hope you sort it out, whatever it is keeping you apart. These coffees are on you. Oh, and don’t call me.”

With that he leaves, his jacket in his hand and without turning back. It’s better this way, Aaron tells himself. This way he’s the only one who needs to hurt. He stays long enough to finish his coffee, and then he drives back to Emmerdale.

 

Robert’s everywhere. He starts going to the pub for lunch with Vic, he works with Aaron, he uses the café, he unknowingly inserts himself into Aaron’s life and it’s becoming unbearable. Seb’s presence is mild ache compared to the cacophony of emotions Aaron feels whenever he sees Robert, no matter what Robert is doing. It’s all-consuming confusion and hurt and want that floods him, and it takes everything in Aaron’s power to stay away, to not wave, to not say hello. Robert exists parallel to him but completely separate and Aaron is unable to will their paths together, not after everything.

 

“Come on, sit.” Vic’s looking at him like she won’t give him the option to say no. So he slides into the booth opposite her and links his hands together on the table. “Speak.”

“What d’you want me to say, Vic?” he asks. His voice is shakier than he wants it to be.

“You’re hurting and I’m your mate. Talk to me, yeah?” Her eyes are kind and pleading. She wants to help, Aaron knows it with every bone in his body but to this problem there is no solution.

“You’re his sister, you’re not exactly going to be on my side…” he mumbles. It’s unkind. He can see the sting but she shakes her head a bit and sighs.

“I’m in both of your sides, you idiot. I want you both to be happy!”

“He seems happy as is,” Aaron says before realising what he has said.

“He’s happy with his son but I know there’s something missing in his life Aaron, and it’s you.” Aaron meets her eye and she must see the hurt in them, the pain that he feels whenever he thinks of Robert and the son he has. “I know it isn’t easy but maybe if you talked to me, I could help.”

Vic always does this; she cares and meddles and Aaron knows it is with his best interest in mind. He can’t talk to Chas, or Paddy, or Liv because they all say the same - forget Robert, move on, he doesn’t deserve you. He has tried to listen but the aching and the wanting hasn’t gone, even when he was with Alex. Now he’s single, Paddy and Chas and Liv still hate Robert, and he hurts so much he can’t breathe, lungs burning with every intake of oxygen.

“I just…” he starts but doesn’t know where to continue. “It hurts, seeing what he has with Seb, the constant reminder of Rebecca and everything he did. I look at that baby and I get so angry, at Robert, at myself. I don’t want that to be my life Vic.”

Vic places a hand over his, looks around the pub to make sure Chas isn’t there to intervene.

“What he did with Rebecca was awful and terrible and I know it hurt, I know what that feels like. She’s gone, and Robert and Seb are a package deal now. He’s just a baby and I understand if you can’t forgive Robert but don’t put that on Seb.”

His eyes are prickling. She’s right, of course he is, but he can’t stop the way his stomach drops at the sight of Robert holding his son, of the hurt his conception caused.

“Before Robert, I never thought I’d want a family.” His voice is quiet and small and he lifts a hand to wipe his cheek before placing it under Vic’s again. “I had too many bad memories, too much that told me I couldn’t do it, be a parent. Then I met Robert and that changed - I changed. I let go of so much pain and I realised I could be happy. I started seeing it, seeing it with him and then he went and did it with someone else.” It’s raw now, deep and painful and almost breaking. He takes a deep breath to steady himself and finds Victoria’s eyes wet and her expression sad.

“He never wanted a family with her but it’s how it happened. Now she’s gone, he’s got Seb, and he’s so happy with him, so caring and loving. But he only ever wanted a family with you, Aaron.”

“You don’t know that,” he mutters, wiping his cheeks on his sleeve.

“I do, he told me.” She sighs and strokes soothing circles onto his skin. “Robert loves you, he wants you, he never stopped. Look, I understand if you can’t forgive him for what happened but you can’t blame the child for who his parents are. He’s innocent and kind of adorable.” Aaron can’t help the chuckle that escapes him. “If you can’t do it, then that’s alright. You should let him go and move on. But you have a chance to have that family you wanted - Robert and Seb and, hopefully Liv, could be your family.” She pauses and Aaron tries to take it in, to imagine that future. “When Adam found out he couldn’t have children, I had to change my idea of the family we would have. It hurt, and it took time, but I realised that biology didn’t matter and the way we did it didn’t matter. The only thing that matters is that you love each other, and I know you love Robert.”

Aaron sniffs and nods because what else can he do. He loves Robert so much he’s crying in the pub at 11am on a Tuesday. He has tried for so long to make it go away that admitting it is a weight off his shoulders, a freedom he would be punished for if it weren’t Vic he was talking to.

“I’m not trying to tell you what to do,” Vic says, “I just want you to be happy. I think, if you can let go of the pain, you might be able to.” She squeezes his hand to soothe him, lets him know he isn’t alone. “I’m here if you want to talk about it, yeah?”

“Thanks, Vic.” He meets her eye and manages a small smile, a tug at the corner of his mouth. “I need to go to work.”

She nods, removes her hand from his. “Robert’s working from home today,” she adds. Relief floods him and he nods.

“I’ll talk soon, yeah?” He walks off before he can see her sad smile, before his brain catches up with him and he starts asking questions better left unanswered. Questions that would only complicate and confuse when Aaron needs clarity and calm. He pushes the door open and steps outside, taking a deep breath of cold air to clear his head, his lungs, his veins. It’s not enough, but he goes to the scrapyard anyway, hoping for a break from his own thoughts.

 

Sleeping doesn’t get easier. He’s getting up earlier and going to sleep later and Liv eyes his curiously as he makes himself a third coffee for breakfast.

“What?” he asks but she only shrugs and goes off to school.

He just has too many thoughts running around his head and no more places to hide from it. He needs to figure out what he’s going to do but he has no idea how to do it.

 

He’s got an early morning haulage so it’s past midday by the time Aaron gets back to the scrapyard, bringing with him a load of metal and a hole where his stomach usually is. He walks into the portacabin and finds a panicked Robert milling around the office on the phone, and a smiling Seb sitting peacefully in a baby carrier.

Seb’s gaze flickers to Aaron and Robert mouths ‘I’m sorry,’ as he sees Aaron. Aaron shrugs, looks back down at Seb who is looking every which way, trying to take in the new surroundings. Robert sighs, hangs up and turns to Aaron.

“I’m so sorry about this, Vic couldn’t take him and I brought the wrong file home so I had to go here and get it, and then…”

“It’s no problem, Robert.” Aaron cuts him off with a gesture. “This is your office too, yeah?”

Robert nods, swallows. He takes a seat and Aaron pulls out his lunch when Robert’s phone goes off again. Seb flinches at the sound and Robert picks it up as fast as he can, sighing before placing the phone by his ear.

“Mr Sugden,” he says, all business-like manner masking the tiredness in his voice. “Yes Mr Banner, we did have a meeting - I told your assistent I wouldn’t be able to make it today - I know I said I’d be there but - I’ve got my son and I can’t just -”

Aaron looks at Seb quietly sitting in his chair, and can’t help himself. He looks at Robert, catches his attention with a gesture or two. Robert excuses himself and places a hand over the receiver.

“I’ll look out for him for a few hours, if you need it.” Aaron has spoken before he has thought it through but Seb’s smiling at him and Robert needs him.

Robert smiles, his shoulders relax as relief floods him. His eyes are shining and he looks between Aaron and Seb. “You sure? I mean, I know -”

Aaron cuts him off. “It’s fine, Rob. Go, get that deal done, yeah?”

Robert nods before placing the phone back by his ear. “I’ll be there in 20 minutes.” He hands up and turns to Aaron, all smiles and blue-green eyes. “Right, he’s just had a bottle so he should just nod off in a bit. If he starts crying, I have a blanket here so he doesn’t throw up on you.” Aaron’s taking in all the information while Robert points out where all the necessities are, trying to ignore the pit in his stomach at the prospect of doing this. Taking care of him. “If anything happens, call Vic, yeah? I’ll be back in an hour and a half, tops.”

“Right,” Aaron manages. His heart is thumping and his palms are sweating but he can do this. He’s good at babies. Usually.

“Aaron?” Robert says, pausing at the door with his phone in his hand.

Aaron meets his gaze and tries to ignore the way he is looking at him. “Yeah?”

“Thanks for this,” he says. Then he’s gone.

Silence falls quickly, heavily. Aaron can hear his heart thumping in his ears. He looks down at Seb, who is dressed in another onesie, this time a brown bear, and his eyes are drooping slightly.

“Hiya, little man,” Aaron says. Seb makes an indistinct sound in reply. “Your Dad’s just gone to take care of something, but I’ll be here if you need anything, yeah?” Aaron points at his chair before realising Seb can’t see what he’s doing. He walks over to his chair and sits down but the silence must be too much for Sebastian, who starts wailing slightly.

Aaron curses under his breath, gets up and walks over to the chair. He sits down next to Seb, places a finger on his tiny hand. “I’m here, I’m right here,” he says but Seb doesn’t stop - instead he turns it up a notch, starts wailing and Aaron immediately shrugs off his high-vis jacket and the coat he has on underneath before scooping Seb into his arms and throwing the baby blanket over his shoulder.

He’s holding him to his chest, one hand under him and one hand on his back, gently tapping. Seb’s crying but with every second he seems to quieten a little, and when Aaron starts moving around, walking with Seb in his arms and talking nonsense to him, the wails turn to groans that then, finally, subside.

“That’s better,” Aaron mutters, as Seb leans his head on Aaron’s shoulder. He moves him so Seb is looking right at him, and damn it if he doesn’t have Robert’s blue-green eyes. It stings but then Seb catches his eye, stares right at him, and laughs. It' a small giggle, high-pitched and cute and it makes something inside Aaron snap, break, crumble to pieces. A smile grows on his lips, tugging at his mouth and growing by the second because Seb is giggling in his arms but his eyes are droopy at the same time and his expression is ridiculous.

“You tired, little man?” Aaron asks. Seb doesn’t reply, he just yawns. Aaron sits down in his chair and lays Seb down in his arms, his head resting against Aaron’s bicep. “You just nod off if you need it,” Aaron mutters. He rocks him slightly and before long Seb is breathing deeply, eyes closed while he sleeps.

Aaron’s hunger is forgotten. He’s staring at Seb and his chest feels too small for his heart; Seb’s tiny, a small baby by all counts, but he’s just a baby. He’s not scary, or dangerous. He’s Robert child but with Aaron holding him in his arms, there isn’t the blaring of hurt and anger that usually drowns out all rational thought. It has been replaced by a feeling that is blossoming in his chest, growing with every tiny sound Seb makes in his sleep, threatening to take over.

“Your Dad is going to laugh when he sees you like this,” Aaron says quietly. “You know, I always thought your Dad would be a good Dad - and here’s the proof.” Seb moves slightly in sleep, nose wrinkling. “You turning my nose up at my sarnie?” Aaron jokes, looks over at his sandwich sitting on the desk. “Just as posh as your parents,” Aaron says.

He gets up and gently walks over to the chair, carefully placing Seb in it before sitting back down at his desk and unwrapping his lunch. Seb doesn’t complain for a second while he eats and by the time Robert gets back, Aaron’s lunch is over and he’s going over some paperwork.

“Alright?” Robert asks. Aaron places a finger over his own lips, nods towards Seb’s chair. “Right,” Robert says, smiling.

“Yeah was fine, he went asleep quite easily…”

“In his chair?” Robert asks.

Aaron shakes his head and smiles. “I had to hold him for a bit to calm him down, hope that’s alright.”

“Yeah, ‘course.”

Aaron leans back in his chair. “How did it go with Banner?”

“Good, got him to agree to better terms and managed to get him to sign the contract too.” Robert’s beaming as he talks, pride emanating from every inch of him.

“Excellent, then my hour and a bit stint as a babysitter paid off!”

Robert chuckles quietly. “You might even get a second go of it,” he says, eyeing Aaron. He’s tentative, holding back and Aaron knows why. He can feel the ache in his chest dissipating as Robert smiles at him, replaced by heat and something akin to happiness. Aaron gets up.

“I need to go,” he says. It’s too much too soon and if he stays a minute longer he doesn’t know if he can trust himself. “Good job on the contract!”

“Thanks,” Robert repeats, confusion clear on his face. Aaron grabs his jacket, throws it on and looks between the two of them.

“Bye,” he says before quietly opening the portacabin door and leaving.

 

Aaron goes to the bridge - Where else could he go? - to think, to breathe, to let himself digest. It’s still cold, crisp end of February air, the sky is grey and the light is dim despite it being early afternoon. His breath condenses in front of him as he breathes out, exhales slowly and carefully the way he has been told several times helps to calm him down. He needs calm before the ground shifts underneath him and he’ll free-fall.

There are no Whites to intervene. Lachlan is in jail and Rebecca is six feet under. There is just Robert, smiling, loving, gorgeous Robert, and his son. The usual shooting pain in his gut when he thinks of Seb is gone, replaced by something he now identifies as compassion, caring. Seb’s lost his mother before he can even remember her, and before that was used as a bargaining chip between two rivalling parents. Now he’s got a home, a stable one, Vic and Robert and Diane all pitching in and helping and loving him. He’s a Sugden, through and through.

Aaron was a Sugden too, once. Maybe not in name, not officially, but memories of Robert whispering it in his ear as they lay together, of pained instances where Robert used it as an anchor, holding them together. They were married. Mr Sugden was his name, at least in private, alone with Robert.

If family is something you chose then why can’t Aaron chose Robert?

The worst thing is, he doesn’t know the answer to that question anymore. He can’t think of a single reason.

Maybe it doesn't have to hurt. Maybe he has to make that choice too.

By the time he thinks of going back to the Mill the sky has darkened. He looks over his shoulder and sees Liv standing there, hands in her pocket and the hood of her jacket thrown up. She’s sulking and angry after Aaron broke up with Alex, maybe because she knows what Aaron is going to say, what’s going to happen, and she hates it.

“You still love him, don’t you?” she asks. It's brutal, demanding.

Aaron licks his lip, feels the dry skin against his tongue and then pulls his bottom lip between his teeth. He nods. Liv’s breath is shaky.

“I don’t want to do this now,” he says. He can barely wrap my head around everything, let alone explain it to someone who doesn’t want to hear it, doesn’t want to know.

“I won’t let him hurt you again.” She’s determined and Aaron knows when she’s set herself a goal she fights to make it happen.

“I can’t promise he won’t hurt me, he can’t promise it.” Aaron stares out over the babbling brook, the shadows cast by the trees and the distortion created by the moving water. Constantly moving, constantly changing. The reflection looks nothing like the trees above. “It won’t be easy but I can't make it stop. I want him back.”

“You told me once that sometimes what you want and what you need are two different things.” He knew that’d come back to bite him in the arse one day.

“I know,” he says, voice breathy, “but sometimes it is.”

“Why do you get to choose?” she asks. Her face is flushed and Aaron knows her eyes are tearing up.

“I don’t think it’s a choice. It’s… it’s Robert. It always has been.”

She brings a sleeve up to her face, dabs at her cheeks. He walks over, pulls her in despite her rigid posture, her unwillingness to yield to his hug.

“We’ll figure this out Liv, together. I haven’t talked to him yet, I don’t even know what he wants,” he says. It’s an admission of his own fear as much as an attempt at comfort.

“I know,” she says, voice muffled against Aaron’s chest. “He’ll want you back too.”

“We’ll take it slow, alright? There are things Robert and I need to sort and it won’t happen overnight…” Robert hasn’t even mentioned this, hasn’t said he wants Aaron, not since they agreed to be friends. What a preposterous idea, in retrospect. Robert fractured Aaron’s world, shattered his preconceptions and put him back together, helped him heal, helped him grow. Then Robert almost broke it. But here he is, still breathing, still wanting. “Want to go home, watch some telly? I’ll get pizzas.”

Liv nods against him, sniffles and looks up. “I just want you to be happy,” she says. Her voice breaks and she looks so sad.

“I know, I want you to be happy to. And we will be.”

They walk back together, in step and in silence. Aaron puts his arm around her, pulls her in so they’re walking close. “You’re my family, yeah?” he says.

“Yeah,” she whispers back.

 

Everytime he sees Robert he wants to pull him away, talk to him, but whenever he thinks of doing it, he freezes. The wall between them is shattering but Aaron doesn’t know if he has the strength to knock it down, to be that honest and say out loud what is going on in his head. Robert sees him and smiles, that distant, guarded smile that Aaron has come to know so well over the past months, and Aaron wants so desperately to change it back into what it was before. He hates admitting it but he’s scared, terrified that Robert’s moved on, that Robert is only ever going to be a distant memory, a reminder of what was lost. So instead he holds his tongue, keeps his distance. Stays away.

 

“You ignoring me?” Vic’s towering over him, quite a feat considering her height. He’s slouching in a chair at the café and she’s standing there, arms crossed over her chest and face inquisitive.

“No,” he says, shrugging. “Why would I be?”

She sits down opposite him and sighs. “Because, last talk we had was kind of hard and I don’t want you to have to ignore me. If you didn’t like what I said that’s fine, I want us to be mates…”

“We are mates, it’s not that at all!” he says. Her eyebrows lift and he knows he stuck his foot in it.

“So there is something,” she says. “Come on, tell me!”

He looks around, leans in and hopes she gets the gist of it. He doesn’t want to talk about it.

“I can’t…” he says. “I need time, yeah. To think.”

Vic eyes him, squinting slightly. “Fine. Robert told me you had Seb for a bit. How did it go?”

Aaron can’t help the smile that spreads on his lips. “Was good, yeah. He cried a bit but I got him to calm down.”

“Really? Normally, once he gets going there’s no stopping him. What did you do?” she asks. Her question is innocent but behind it lies many more, questions he isn’t ready to answer.

“I just… held him ‘till he calmed down and then rocked him to sleep.”

Her smile spreads. “Interesting…” She glances at her watch and sighs. “I need to go to the pub, Marlon’s waiting for me.”

Aaron nods and leans back in the chair again. “See you later.”

“Robert’s at home today, working.”

She knows what she’s saying and Aaron knows what she’s saying but neither of them wants to acknowledge it. Aaron cocks his eyebrow at her. “Why are you telling me that?”

She rolls her eyes and gets up. She turns, places a hand on the back of the chair and looks at him. “Just… do something, yeah?”

Aaron sits back, bites his lip. Robert’s at home. Even knowing where Robert is makes his heart thump in his chest, possibilities flooding him. His leg is bouncing with nervous energy and his finger is tapping against the side of the chair and maybe the time is now.

Before he knows what he’s doing he’s up and out of the café, leaving behind him a lukewarm half coffee. His steps are sure as he walks down the road to Keeper’s, glancing around to check if anyone can see him but no one’s around.

The knock on the front door of Keeper’s cottage rings out through the street, loud and clear. He shuffles his feet, stuffs his hand back in his pocket and waits impatiently. He should be here, he shouldn't be doing this, he can't. Excruciating seconds pass before he door opens and Robert stands behind it. His hair is ruffled and he’s wearing jeans an old ratty t-shirt with a baby blanket thrown over his shoulder. He’s smiling though, and that takes Aaron’s breath away.

“Hiya,” he says. His voice is rough and low. He looks confused. “Is anything the matter?”

Aaron takes a small step forward before pausing, looking into Robert’s eyes. “Can we talk?”

“Sure,” Robert replies, taking a step back and letting Aaron in. “I wasn’t expecting company…” he says while Aaron’s shrugging off his jacket. The kitchen is a bit messy and Robert looks like a tired parent. Somehow he manages to pull it off anyway.

“I wasn’t expecting to come here.” Aaron leans against the counter, crosses his arms over his chest. He’s guarding himself, shrinking back and hiding so he moves them down, holds on to the counter with his hands, gripping tight. All in.

“How’s Alex?” Robert asks.

Aaron’s mouth is dry. “I don’t know,” he mumbles. “We broke up.”

“I’m sorry to hear it,” Robert says and it’s the truth, Aaron can see it in his eyes, hear it in his voice. “Thought you two were good together.”

“Can we not?” Aaron asks. “Do the whole thing where you ask me why, and I lie?”

“Why would you lie?”

Aaron doesn’t answer. Instead he turns around, finds a glass and fills it with water. “Where’s Seb?”

“Upstairs,” Robert answers. “Why’re you here, Aaron?”

Aaron drains the glass but his mouth still feels dry, tongue heavy. He takes a deep breath and maybe it helps just a little bit, maybe it’s just to drag out the seconds, give him time to figure out what and why and how.

“This whole time…” he begins, gaze flickering to Robert’s face before falling to the floor, “I’ve been so angry, at you, at myself.”

“Why?” Robert interjects, but Aaron holds his hand up, makes him stop.

“Let me get this out, yeah?” Robert nods. “I wanted a family with you and we were so close to getting it and then Rebecca happened, and I couldn’t do it.” Aaron can tell Robert want to speak, to apologise, but he doesn’t let him. “I was hurt, I was angry, and I put that on your son. I forgot that he’s a part of you and instead saw him as a reminder of you sleeping with Rebecca. So I broke up with you because I couldn’t handle it.”

“I don’t blame you, Aaron.” Robert manages. His voice is heavy with emotion and it almost knocks the air out of Aaron’s lungs and the determination out of his mind.

“I just -” Aaron meets Robert’s eye and he’s staring at him with confusion etched onto his face, lips in a thin line. Those lips. Aaron swallows. “I don’t want to be angry anymore. I want to know your son and I want to be in your life. I want -”

Robert’s face falls, his mouth drops open. “What’re you saying?”

“I want you. I want us to work, I miss you so much.” Aaron’s eyes fall back down because it’s too hard to look at him when he knows this might be wrong, Robert might not want the same, not after all this time. “I wanted a family with you before you broke us but I still want it. I’m stronger now, I’ve got my head straight and I thought I couldn’t handle Seb being yours but he is and I can.”

Their eyes meet and Robert looks dumbfounded, shocked. Like he doesn’t know what to say. Aaron's eyes burn and they are so close Aaron can almost taste it but Robert doesn't look like he has an answer. Silence engulfs them, setting every nerve in Aaron’s body on alert and making his heartbeat pulse in his ears. This used to be easy, talking to Robert but now it's making his chest constrict and his hands sweaty as he tries to read Robert's face. He opens his mouth as if to speak when Seb’s wails can be heard over the baby monitor.

“Fuck,” Robert says, breathlessly. “I’ll be right back, I just -”

“Go, Robert.” Aaron’s voice is soft because it’s Sebastian. Not the child’s fault he’s got awful timing. Robert pauses at the door, looks back over his shoulder. “I’ll wait, alright?” He's waited so long already.

Robert nods and then he’s off. Aaron lets out a breath and then inhales slowly through his nose. He feels lighter somehow, the burden of his worry and nerves not lifted exactly, but now at least he’s being honest with himself. With Robert. No more hiding.

He glances around the kitchen and sees the pile of dishes beside the sink. His hands are fidgeting and his heart is still pounding and worst of all, his head is all over the place, so he gets up and gets to work. He is methodical and as quick as he can, using his hands and forcing himself to focus, to stop thinking. His hands are soapy while he scrubs a pot but suddenly Robert’s voice flits over the baby monitor.

“Your Dad’s got something important downstairs, so can you calm down a bit?” Seb’s still crying but it’s lessened now. “Aaron - remember Aaron? - he’s here and I need to go and talk to him, so if you want to help your Dad out, now would be the time to go really quiet, yeah?”

Aaron can’t help but smile, grin blatantly out of the window. Robert's voice is so soft, and Robert would hate knowing Aaron heard it and maybe that's what makes Aaron a bit calmer. 

By the time Robert comes back down the stairs, Aaron’s cleaned most of the dishes and is setting a plate onto the rack. His nerves have dulled into a more constant thrum but seeing Robert makes his heartbeat instantly elevate, his stomach flutter. Robert's smiling. Not the guarded, kind, friendly smile Aaron has gotten used to but the big grin, ear to ear, the one that makes his eyes crinkle and makes Aaron remember.

“You didn’t have to,” Robert says, looking at the kitchen sink.

“Needed to take my mind off -” Aaron stops, blushing.

Robert moves a step closer, he's being careful. Aaron can’t think straight. “Aaron, are you sure?”

Aaron nods, a small movement of his head that makes Robert’s grin even wider. “I know we need to talk about stuff and we need to sort shit out but… I want to try. I want us -”

With that, Robert moves closer and places his hands on either side of Aaron’s face before tugging him in for a kiss. It’s slightly off centre - Robert’s lips are more on Aaron’s stubble than his lips but he doesn’t care. Not when Robert is holding onto him for dear life, pressing their bodies together until Aaron’s back hits the counter and and Aaron snakes his hands around Robert’s waist, tugs him closer.

It’s been over seven months but Robert kissing him is something he’ll never forget. It's nothing remarkable except for the fact that it's Robert. He’s soft and demanding and warm against Aaron’s lips and when Aaron tilts his head and Robert moves slightly, it slots them perfectly together. Aaron deepens the kiss and Robert moans in his arms and it’s too much too soon. The happiness flooding him is overwhelming, all-consuming. Aaron pulls away to take a breath and suddenly feels like he can breathe properly.

He rests his forehead against Robert, breathes him in. He smells of that expensive aftershave and a musky scent that Aaron hasn’t smelled in too long, that smell that sends him back to heady nights in their bed and lazy mornings.

“I’ve missed you so much,” Robert whispers, breathless. “You sure about this?”

Aaron nods, kisses him again but it becomes deeper than he intended as he slides his tongue against Robert’s. He pulls away with a smile. “I’m sure.”

Robert’s face falls slightly, he moves back but moves his hands down to Aaron’s arms, holding onto him. “We need to sort things, do it right.”

Aaron nods. “We will. We’ll try, yeah?”

Robert closes his eye and rests his forehead against Aaron’s, takes a deep breath. Aaron watches him from beneath his eyelids, traces his features and holds him closer. He’s here, They’re here. It’s happening.

“So, how do we do this?”

  



	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a story about Aaron and Liv and Robert and Seb becoming a family. If that isn't your thing, then don't read it :)

They break apart - standing close together only results in kisses, soft and tender and each press of Robert’s lips to his has Aaron forgetting why he’s here, what they need to do. Instead Aaron fills the kettle while Robert smiles at him, broad and unguarded and it melts his heart. 

“I don’t know what to say,” Robert admits, hand rubbing at his neck. 

Aaron chuckles. “I came over here not really knowing what was going to happen…”

“I didn’t expect this,” Robert says. His voice is low, sad. “I never thought this would ever happen, I thought I’d lost you…” Robert absentmindedly touches his finger where his wedding ring used to sit. 

“When did you take it off?” Aaron asks. It’s not that it matters, really, but Aaron wants to know how long Robert has thought it was over, wants to know how long he tried to let go. 

“Your birthday,” Robert admits, a sad smile tugging at the corners of his mouth. “I saw you smiling, happy, and I realised it wasn’t because of me. It wouldn’t be again.” Aaron’s gaze falls to the floor. The kettle beeps and breaks the silence that has taken over and Robert wordlessly takes down two mugs and puts a tea bag in each. He meets Aaron’s eyes and smiles. “I’m not angry at you, you know? I’m glad you found someone who made you happy, it’s all I want Aaron.” 

“He didn’t though, not really.” It’s sounds harsher than it is - it was more of a steady warmth in his chest, but never the blaze that Robert caused, never the brazen laughter or all-consuming happiness Aaron had with Robert, maybe even has. “I just wanted someone, wanted to prove to myself I could get over you.” 

Robert takes out their tea bags and pours in some milk, more for himself than for Aaron. “Did you?” he asks, voice steady as if the answer might shake him. They carry their cups to the table and sit down and Aaron doesn’t answer until he can look Robert in the eye. 

“No.” 

Robert’s smile is almost heartbreaking. “I’m sorry, Aaron. I wanted you to move on, I really did.”

“Why?” Aaron asks. 

“Because I almost broke you, I’m not… good enough for you,” he says. The sad smile is bad but Aaron reaches his hand out and waits for Robert to take it. Robert looks at it and swallows before placing his hand on top of Aaron’s. It’s soft, just as soft as Aaron remembers. 

“I did stupid stuff too, you know. It wasn’t just on you.” Robert nods, his gaze distant. “We’re both better, right? I worked on my stuff and you’ve grown so much…” 

“Couldn’t have done it without you,” Robert says. “Knowing someone like you loved me at some point… it kept me going.” 

Robert’s threading his fingers with Aaron’s across the kitchen table, gaze distant and pensive. Aaron focuses on his skin as Robert trails along it, how wherever Robert touches him his skin tingles slightly, warmth remaining long after Robert’s hand is gone. His body feels more alert than it has done in months, every nerve and thought bent on Robert, his touch, his expression, the way his jaw clenches when he’s thinking. 

“You can talk to me,” Aaron says. Robert looks up, smiles. 

“We really doing this?” Robert says. His thumb is caressing the palm of Aaron’s hand now, and his eyes are staring right at him. Aaron can’t remember the last time Robert looked at him like this, bold, daring, wanting. Aaron’s mouth suddenly feels dry.

“I hope so, I want to,” he says. Robert’s smile widens at Aaron’s words. 

“I mean,” Robert starts and his face falls slightly. “I know I hurt you more than I ever thought I would, I messed everything up. I want you to be happy, Aaron and I don’t care if that isn’t with me.” 

Aaron pulls his hand across the table slightly, forcing Robert out of whatever train of thought he is going down. He meets Robert’s eye and holds it, hoping his eyes convey a fraction of the emotion that is currently coursing through his body. 

“Robert, I don’t want anyone else. I tried it and I still couldn’t let you go. So stop it, yeah?” 

Robert’s eyes are tearing up but he nods, smile tugging at his lips. Aaron’s chest swells knowing he’s the one causing that smile, he’s the reason Robert’s happy, it’s really happening. 

“Why did you and Alex break up?” Robert asks. 

Aaron shrugs. “I think he realised before I did that I couldn’t forget you.” Their hands are still intertwined across the table, Aaron’s lying flat on the surface as Robert traces the patterns on his hand 

Robert nods. “I’m sorry, Aaron.” Robert sighs and places his face in his hand. “I don’t understand how you can forgive me,” he says. His voice is almost a whisper, breathy and low. He sounds embarrassed, hurt. 

“You don’t have to understand. Look at me,” he says, waiting until Robert lifts his eyes. They are blank, like some part of him is missing, hiding beneath a mountain of self-loathing and guilt that Aaron recognises all too well. “Robert I forgave you for sleeping with Rebecca a long time ago. I couldn’t deal with the baby but I realised the only person preventing me from having what I wanted was me.” 

“But -” Robert begins but Aaron stops him through sheer force of will. 

“I want a family with you.” 

Robert looks bewildered, confused, like a deer caught in headlights. “Why?” he croaks. 

“Because I love you,” Aaron replies. “I never stopped.” It’s the only reply he can give - it seems more simple than their relationship has been but it’s the most truthful part of them. They love each other without pretence, wholly and completely. 

Robert’s smiling and his eyes are wet and Aaron can’t help but smile back. It still counts - it will always count. Aaron couldn’t stop loving Robert even when he tried, and maybe he never will. It should terrify him but instead it makes him smile even more. 

The door to Keeper’s is opened and Robert freezes in his chair before bringing his sleeve up to dry the corners of his eyes. 

“Hiya,” Vic says as she walks inside. “Sorry I had to pop home before the rush and - oh! Hi, Aaron.” 

“Hi,” Aaron says. Their hands are still linked on the table and Vic sees it before they pull away, a grin on her face. 

“Didn’t mean to interrupt,” she says, shrugging off her coat. 

“It’s alright, Vic.” Aaron looks at Robert, who is blushing furiously in his seat. “I should go,” Aaron says.

“No, stay!” Vic says. “I’m leaving in a bit I just needed to come home and get something -” The sound of Seb crying echoes through the hallway and through the baby monitor. Robert sighs, getting up from the table to go upstairs. “Look, I’ll go and take care of that, you two keep talking!” she says, waving between them. 

Aaron walks over to him, smiles slightly. 

“I should go up and check on him,” Robert says. Aaron nods. He places a hand on Robert’s shoulder and squeezes slightly. 

“Go and take care of your son, yeah? We have plenty of time to talk,” he adds. 

“Can I call you later?” Robert asks. There’s something akin to hope in his expression and Aaron can’t help but nod, smile at him. 

“Yeah, I’d like that.” 

They don’t kiss. Aaron can still feel Robert on his lips from before, the memory fresh in his mind but now they need to work at it, make sure it can work before they dive back in. Instead they share a knowing smile before Aaron grabs his jacket and shrugs it on, and walks out of the front door. 

 

Robert calls - Aaron definitely doesn’t sit staring at his phone for too long, wondering if he will call - and they talk. It’s comfortable, Aaron’s lying on the sofa with his head on the armrest and his feet propped up and it’s not like they really say anything important, they just talk. About their day, about the past week, about their families, and Aaron talks a lot about Liv. Robert misses her, he can hear it in his voice, the way he laughs when Aaron tells the story of her and Gerry trying to cook tea for them all. They are good friends, Aaron realises as he shifts on the sofa and stares at the ceiling, but maybe they can only be friends when there’s also more, when he knows Robert’s soft voice and smiles are for him. 

They talk for longer than Aaron anticipates but it’s nice, it’s sweet. When he finally hands up and lets out a breath as he sees the timestamp, 23:54, Aaron’s insides are a mess but his brain feels calm, clear. He gets up and turns around. 

“Who was that then?” Liv’s sitting on the staircase, eyes sullen and knees tucked under her chin. 

Aaron sighs, tries to sit down next to her but the steps are too narrow. So he kneels in front of her so he can look her in the eye. “It was Robert,” he says. No point in hiding it, not to her. Not when she’s so clearly hurting. 

She nods, bites her lip. Aaron recognises the gesture instantly and places a hand on her knee. “You two back on?”

Aaron nods. “Kind of,” he says. “We’re working towards it.” 

Her breath is shaky when it comes out and Aaron wishes she would talk to him, tell him what is going through her head. “I don’t want to see him here,” she says. Her stubbornness is showing and Aaron knows it’ll be hard to change her mind. 

“You don’t get to decide - it’s my home too and if I want to see him, then -” 

“Well I don’t,” she says, interrupting. “I don’t want to see him, Aaron. Not after what he did.” 

“It won’t be easy, but this is something I need to do, I need to try it. Don’t you get that?” His voice breaks slightly as he speaks but he doesn’t care. For so long he’s been walking about with a piece of him missing and now it’s been found, he just needs to figure out how to slot it into place. 

Liv stares at him and wipes her left cheek with her hand. Without another word she gets up and walks upstairs, feet heavy on the floor. 

 

“Can I come over? Tonight?” Robert’s smiling and Aaron doesn’t know how no one has figured out what’s going on between them. Robert smiles like he has a secret (which he does), like he is thinking everything at once, like there’s no one in the room besides the two of them, despite them sitting in the café having lunch. 

“What for?” Aaron asks, feigning indifference. Robert’s smile falters. 

“I didn’t mean -” he says and Aaron laughs. “Sod off,” Robert counters, leaning back in mock disdain. 

“Yes, you can come over.” Aaron leans forward and places his elbows on his knees, wanting to be closer. “I’ll be a bit late, I got a meeting in Leeds at 3 so I don’t know when I’ll be home, yeah? Probably around five.” 

Robert nods. “Vic said she’s take Seb for the evening, so I think I can do dinner, if you’d like?” 

Warmth spreads through Aaron, soft and lovely. “I’d like that,” he replies. It’s been so long since Robert was there and the thought of seeing him back inside what he built fills Aaron with a delayed happiness. It should have happened months ago but it is happening now, and maybe that’s the way it should be. 

When five o’clock rolls around Aaron stuck in traffic somewhere between Leeds and Emmerdale and it’s moving just enough so that he can’t call and tell Robert to wait. The only thing that waits for him at the Mill is a moody teenager and Aaron desperately wanted to delay that encounter as long as possible. By the time he’s pulling into the Mill it’s twenty past and his palms are sweaty. 

He walks to down the driveway with his hands stuffed in his pockets and his ears waiting for the shouting the fury. It isn’t there. He walks through the front door and just as he is about to set his hand on the door handle, he hears it. His heart sinks. 

“- don’t you just leave?” Liv’s voice is adamant, strained. 

“I’m here to see Aaron, I told you that -” Robert says but to no avail. 

“We don’t want you here. You’re just going to hurt him again, and I don’t want that. None of us do.” 

“Us?” Robert asks. 

“His family,” Liv replies. “You know, the ones that didn’t betray him with a posh totty?” 

“Liv, I’ve apologised and Aaron’s moved past it,” he says. 

“I haven’t. We haven’t. Aaron might say he has but you didn’t see him when he was hurting, when you broke up. I had to come back and see him broken, and you did that.” 

“I did,” Robert says. He sounds sad, defeated, but Aaron can’t make himself walk through the door. “I apologised to Aaron, I did everything I could.”

“It wasn’t not enough. It will never be enough. So leave, before your silly relationship can go any further and spare him the pain, yeah?” 

This makes Aaron wrap his hands around the cold brass and open the door, walking in. 

“Just in time to say goodbye,” Liv says. “Don’t let the door hit you on your way out!” With that, she leaves, walking up the stairs with such determination that Aaron thinks she might bring the whole thing down. 

“Robert, I-” Aaron begins, but he stops when Robert turns to him. His face is distraught, with no smile and no bright eyes that Aaron has gotten so used to over the past few days. Robert almost looks broken and Aaron hasn’t seen that since - well since he kicked him out of the Mill. 

“I should go,” Robert says. His eyes are darting every which way around the room until he spots his jacket hanging on the back of a chair. 

“No, don’t,” Aaron says. “I want you here.” 

Robert meets his eye and Aaron can see the unshed tears, the hurt and pain rippling through him as he tries to calm himself down with a few deep breaths. “I shouldn’t be here, Aaron.” He grabs his jacket and shrugs it on. 

“Robert, we were supposed to have dinner… I want to see you.” Aaron grabs his shoulder, tries to make Robert meet his eye. “I thought we had gotten through it all,” Aaron insists. It’s his turn now to feel vulnerable, to show Robert that he’s wrong, his mind is wrong. Liv is wrong. 

“I need to not be here right now,” Robert says. Aaron looks around the room and looks back at Robert’s sullen face before he lets go. Robert walks to the front door without hesitation, but pauses when he has opened it. He doesn’t look back, doesn’t do anything other than take a breath, and then he’s gone. 

Aaron walks up the stairs before he knows what to do with himself. 

The walk to Liv’s door is too short to soothe his flaring temper so he counts to ten and lets out a few deep breaths. This can’t go wrong. He pauses in front of her door and sets his ear to it; he normally doesn’t stand by eavesdropping but he needs to know what he’ll be walking in to. Through the wood he can hear the muffled sounds of his sister crying. The anger inside him breaks, shatters and falls apart all in an instant. 

He brings his hand up and knocks on the door, once, twice, thrice. “Liv?”

She doesn’t answer. He knocks again and then hears footsteps followed by the tell-tale sound of the door unlocking. She opens the door and meets him head-on.

“You going to shout at me?” she asks. He shakes his head and she lets him in. 

“What happened?” he asks. He walks over and sits down so that his back leans against the side of her bed, and she follows. 

“He came over, knocked on the door all smiling and happy. I let him in and I tried to ignore it, I thought I could but… I’m just so angry at him,” she says, voice breaking. “After everything he’s done I just can’t forgive him.” 

Aaron puts an arm around her shoulders, pulls her in so that she’s leaning into him. Her breathing evens out slightly and he doesn’t talk, not yet. 

“Seeing him here… I know you said you two were going to try again and I know you love him, but I just got so angry.” 

“I know,” he says. 

“I ruined your date, didn’t I?” she asks. Aaron nods with his cheek resting on her head. “I’m sorry.” 

“It’s alright, we’ll make up for it.” Aaron’s stroking her shoulder and biting his lip. “I wouldn’t do this if I didn’t think it would be different this time. That we could handle it.” 

Liv nods. “You’ve forgiven him, yeah? Well… I don’t know if I can.” 

Aaron takes a deep breath. “I don’t want to stop seeing him, Liv. But I also don’t want you to feel left out of this. I want to spend time with you both, like we did before -” 

“Prison?” she finishes. “When you went away… he was amazing. When I came back… it was like losing a brother.” 

Aaron moves his head, looks at her. With the sleeve of his sweater he wipes her wet cheek and hopes what he says next won’t make her close up, stubborn as she is. 

“He could be that again. I’m not saying you’re wrong, but give him a chance,” he says. 

She stares at him, unflinching. “He won’t go away?” 

Aaron shakes his head. “I don’t think so, not this time.” 

She lets out a shaky breath and sighs. “I’ll try.” 

He stays seated a while longer, holding her as they talk. When she finally pushes him away it’s with a small smile, a playful grin. 

“Can I go and see Belle for dinner?” she asks. 

“Don’t you want to stay here and have something?” 

She shakes her head, stuffs her hands in the pockets of her sweater. “I’ll go to the Dingles, they invited me earlier.” 

“Right then, off you go.” Aaron looks at her and smiles. 

“Maybe you could order a few curries, take them other to… him. That way I didn’t ruin it it for you.” 

“Liv, we can stay in if you like, watch some telly?” 

She shakes her head. “I’d feel bad for ruining it. Go, alright?” 

Aaron smiles. He pulls her in and holds her close for longer than he knows she’d usually allow. “Thanks.” 

 

Aaron’s got the bags by his side and a pit in his stomach because - because they had so much against them and now they’re so close it’s almost tangible and the thought of messing it up makes his stomach churn. His footsteps are loud in the quiet evening, gravel crunching and heart pounding in his ears as he walks down the road and up the path to Keeper’s. 

“Curry?” Aaron’s hopeful as he stares into Robert’s sad eyes, holding the bag up so he can see exactly what he means, that the gesture triggers memories that might make Robert understand. 

“What’re you doing here Aaron?” Robert says, sighing heavily as he leans against the open door. 

“I’m here for dinner - we agreed, remember?” 

“I do, but I think that has passed,” Robert replies steadily.

“I know, alright? This was Liv’s idea, I want to fix this.” Aaron doesn’t mind that he’s begging, not when it’s Robert and everything they could have that he stands to lose. 

“That’s the problem - this isn’t on you, it’s all my mistakes, my messes that keep on hurting you and I can’t do it anymore.” Robert walks away from the door and Aaron walks in past him, closing it and dumping the curries on the kitchen table. Vic’s sitting in the living room with Seb and her eyes widen as she sees Aaron walking in. 

“Can’t we at least talk about this?” Aaron asks. 

“There’s nothing to talk about - your sister means the world to you and if she’s this dead set against me I don’t know that we have a chance.” 

“We can fix this, please. Can we have dinner, talk it through?”

Vic gets up and holds Seb close to her, trying to keep him asleep. “I’ll just pop upstairs, yeah?” 

“No, no need. We’ll go in the kitchen,” Aaron says, looking at Robert. He puts a hand on Robert back and steers him into the kitchen while Robert stares at him. 

“We are not doing this,” Robert says. “Those curries are rubbish by now!”

“I don’t care about the food Robert, I just want to talk to you…” 

Robert sighs, turns around with his hands on his hips and a sour look on his face. “Aaron,” he says, pleading. “Can we not? I -” 

“What?” Aaron says. 

“She’s right! Can’t you see it, she’s right about everything!” Robert exclaims, hands in the air. His voice is strained and Aaron feels it tug at his heart, his happiness withering. “I ruined our marriage and I hurt you so much, I can’t risk doing that again!” He places a hand over his eyes and his shoulders sag before he speaks again. “Seeing you like that, knowing it was because of me… I’ve never hated myself more, Aaron.” 

“I know,” Aaron whispers, and it’s all he can do not to wrap his arms around him, pull him close until the pain between them evaporates. 

“I can’t do that to you again, you don’t deserve it you deserve someone who can make you happy, someone who will love you and treat you like you deserve to be treated… someone like -” 

“You?” Aaron interrupts. “Robert when are you going to get it through your head - I tried normal and nice and it wasn’t enough, it wasn’t you.” The emotional is palpable on his tongue but he can’t stop now, not when Robert is looking at him with such sadness in his eyes. “I deserve someone who can make me happy, well that’s you, you are someone who loves me and we might not always be the best at treating each other well but I want to give it a go.” 

Robert’s eyes soften as he takes in what Aaron is saying, word by word. “What about Liv?” he asks. 

“I talked to her, explained what was happening and she knows she shouldn’t have gone off on you like that…” Aaron takes a step towards him, places a hand on his waist. “She said losing you was like losing a brother… I told her to give you a chance because you’re not going away.” 

“No?” Robert asks. His breathing is steady, Aaron can see the rise and fall of his chest. Aaron leans their foreheads together and breathes him in. 

“I don’t think so. At least I hope not…” 

They end up on the sofa, Aaron leaning against Robert as they watch some Top Gear and eat the curries he brought over. They were awful, but the microwave helped a little and the company made it inconsequential. 

The episode is mostly there to fill the silence between their conversations, the pauses where they otherwise would feel the swell of emotion that right now seems too much too soon, but Aaron’s resting his head on Robert’s shoulder and he hasn’t felt this happy in ages. 

“Alex fell asleep during Top Gear once,” Aaron admits. Robert snorts beside him. 

“You what?” he asks. 

“Yeah, one of our first dates? Put on an episode of Top Gear and five minutes later he was snoring on the sofa,” Aaron says, stifling a snigger. 

“How did you keep him around for so long?” Robert asks. Aaron looks up into his eyes and then looks down at Roberts lips. 

“I don’t know,” he says. It’s as truthful as anything he has said all night. 

Robert leans in a bit until he fills Aaron’s vision and Aaron doesn’t want to look away. Robert is smiling down at him, a bashful sweet smile that makes his eyes crinkle and shine. He looks like everything Aaron could ever want in life, warmth and comfort and those beautiful eyes that make Aaron feel more exposed and vulnerable than he has with anyone else. Robert’s breath ghosts across Aaron’s lips, warm and heated and the air between them shifts, tightens, makes Aaron move closer until they are inches apart. 

Robert licks his lips and Aaron swallows, can almost taste him on his tongue as they stare at each other, eyes drinking in what they have been missing for months. Aaron waits and drags it out before he moves, leans in and softly presses his lips to Robert’s.

They’re soft and warm and taste slightly of the curry they’ve both just had but it’s so inviting that the soft kiss quickly becomes heated. Aaron tilts his head slightly, slides his tongue along Robert’s lips which prompts him to shift, pull Aaron closer to him and then they’re full on snogging on Robert’s sofa. Aaron becomes lightheaded as Robert’s tongue meets his own, curls behind his teeth and Aaron unconsciously moans into it, low and wanton. 

Robert grabs him by his sides and pulls him closer, licking into Aaron’s mouth and Aaron can feel his toes curl, heat pool in his stomach - he wants so much his fingertips ache to touch Robert’s skin, to rip his clothes off and take him apart and Robert’s chin must be pink by now but neither of them care. Aaron just moves in closer until he is practically lying on top of Robert, his thighs on either side of Robert’s. 

It’s too much and not enough all at once; Robert’s mouth is slick and hot against Aaron’s but knowing what could come next makes Aaron’s mind go blank. He doesn’t stop, he can’t. Not when Robert’s hand is moving under his t-shirt and touching his skin and -

“Ahem.” 

They freeze, break apart with heated breaths to see Vic standing behind the sofa, arms crossed over her chest. Aaron feels his face flush more than it was before. Robert sits up but his hand doesn’t drop, no hint of embarrassment can be seen on his face. 

“Thought you might want to know that your son’s asleep,” she says, a knowing smile on her face. 

“Right,” Robert says. “Yes…” 

Aaron moves back and wipes his mouth with the sleeve of his jumper. Robert smiles at him and Vic rolls her eyes. “I mean I’m all for babysitting your son but you might want to find somewhere else to continue that as his cot is in your room. Also, you might want to borrow some moisturiser, your chin’s a bit red.” 

Aaron can’t help the laugh that bubbles in his chest as Vic walks to the kitchen. “She’s right, you know?” 

“About moving this somewhere else?” Robert replies, mischief in his eyes. 

“No,” Aaron says, “your chin is quite red though.” 

“Shut up,” Robert says before lifting a hand to Aaron’s cheek and pulling him down for a kiss, soft and lingering. 

When they pull away Robert’s eyes are shining as he looks into Aaron’s eyes. Open and honest and happy and Aaron can’t help but let all his worries and insecurities show. 

“I don’t know if I’m ready yet,” Aaron admits. Robert strokes his cheek with his thumb and his smile doesn’t move an inch, doesn’t recede. 

“I’ll wait,” he says. “I know we have a lot of stuff to work through but I want you, yeah? Whenever you’re ready.” 

Aaron nods, leans in and kisses him quickly. “Sounds good,” he says. 

When Aaron leaves not long after, they are both still smiling. 

 

Aaron’s still got a knot in his stomach when Robert mentions Seb but it’s not from anger or regret, but from fear. The thought of holding him, of Seb not liking him, of meeting him as Robert’s… whatever they are makes his stomach flip and his palms sweat. Seb’s just a baby but he’s Robert’s and no matter how much Aaron knows he gets along with children, he hates the thought that Seb might not take to him. 

 

They’re at Keeper’s having a cup of coffee. They’re talking about nothing - it’s more an excuse to spend time together, to link their fingers across a table where there is no one to judge or mock or scoff, a time to just be and see what happens. 

Robert’s threading his fingers through Aaron’s, smiling as he talks. “Vic asked me this morning to let her know if I needed her to look after Seb for longer than a few hours,” he admits. “I think she approves of this.” 

“She was hounding me to talk to you, of course she approves,” Aaron replies. 

“Was she?” Robert asks. “She was pestering me too.” 

Aaron grins, watches as Robert’s finger trails along his skin and focuses on the heat it leaves in its wake. “I think she -” Aaron begins but when the baby monitor starts blaring out Seb’s cries he pauses. 

“I’ll be as quick as I can, yeah?” Robert says. 

“Wait.” Aaron speaks before he can think to stop himself, and Robert pauses at the door. “Can I come with you?” 

Robert’s face goes from disgruntled to happy in an instant. “Sure?” 

“He’s your son, figure I should… get to know him,” Aaron finishes. He’s unsure, teetering on the edge of a terrifying precipice but Robert smiles at him and he feels like he can breathe again. 

“Yeah,” Robert says, holding out a hand for Aaron to take. 

Robert’s hand is warm as they walk up the stairs towards Robert’s small room. The cot is pressed to the wall opposite Robert’s single bed and it shocks Aaron to know this is where Robert sleeps, in a cramped room with his son just feet away. 

Seb’s still crying, arms moving as he reaches out for someone to hold him and with an encouraging smile from Robert, Aaron leans over and picks him up. The sound is ear-splitting but all Aaron feels is a need to make it go away, to soothe and calm, so he presses Seb against his chest and walks around with him, stroking his back. 

“You’re a natural,” Robert comments and there’s something in his gaze that breaks what little reserve Aaron has left. A smile tugs at his lips and his chest expands as Seb stops wriggling in his arms and his cries start to grow smaller. 

“Yeah?” he asks. Robert’s eyes are teary as he nods. 

“He never calms down as quickly when I’m holding him,” Robert admits. 

Aaron pauses in front of Robert and Robert leans in, presses a quick kiss to his lips over Seb’s head. It makes Aaron’s head swim that this is happening, this is real, until Seb gives a small wriggle and Aaron starts pacing again. Seb’s cries are almost gone now and Aaron tries patting his back a bit. 

“Hope this helps little man,” Aaron says and Robert grins. 

“Does he need a change?” 

“I don’t think so but -” and then Seb throws up on him. 

By the time Aaron’s cleaned up and changed Seb’s sleeping peacefully in his cot. Robert gives Aaron a t-shirt he can put on and Aaron can see that he tries not to let his gaze dip down Aaron’s naked torso as he hands it over so Aaron shrugs it on quickly. 

“I’m so sorry,” Robert repeats for the umpteenth time and Aaron smiles at him. 

“It happens, yeah? My fault for not grabbing a towel to place on my shoulder,” he says. 

“Still, I’m sorry I didn’t think to -” Robert continues but Aaron cuts him off. 

“It’s fine, Robert. Besides, I’ve missed wearing your clothes,” he says. Robert smiles knowingly and Aaron’s knees go weak. “You’ve not scared me away.” 

“Good,” Robert says. “I don’t want to.” 

Aaron walks over and kisses him, long and sweet and achingly familiar. He doesn’t want this to stop, he doesn’t want to go home and leave Robert, he wants him, all of him and maybe Robert can tell because he pulls him in and deepens the kiss, sliding his tongue along Aaron’s. 

“Fuck,” Aaron whispers as he pulls away. Robert looks at him with dark eyes and Aaron’s heartbeat quickens in his chest. 

“Thank you for today,” Robert says. “Seeing you with Seb…” He falls quiet and Aaron pulls him closer, makes Robert look into his eyes. 

“What?” Aaron asks. 

“I just…” Robert sighs and Aaron can practically see him biting his tongue. “I just never thought I’d have this, I’d have you and him, together. I can’t tell you how happy it made me,” he admits. 

Happy - it seems so simple but after everything they have gone through it is a feat that Robert can say it to him, that Aaron can see it in his smile and the way he tilts his head, the way his hands hold on to the fabric of the t-shirt Aaron is wearing. 

“I’m glad,” Aaron admits. “I still can’t believe it half the time.”

“Can’t believe what?” 

“That we’re here, that I didn’t lose you.” Robert’s smile falls slightly at Aaron’s words and then he pulls him in, rests his chin on Aaron’s shoulder as they stand in the hallway outside Robert’s bedroom. Aaron closes his eyes and feels the sway as they stand there, Robert holding them together as they breathe, think, exist. 

“When can I see you again?” Robert asks and Aaron can feel his voice vibrate through Aaron’s body as he speaks. 

“How about you come over for dinner on Saturday?” Aaron asks. “You should bring Seb.” 

“Sure about that?” Robert asks. 

“I’ll check with Liv but I think it might be,” Aaron replies. 

They stand there a while longer, Robert with his arms around Aaron’s waist and Aaron with his arms around Robert. It’s the longest time Aaron can remember holding Robert to him since before they broke up and with each breath he takes it feels more real, they feel more substantial and so he doesn’t let go, not quite yet. 

 

Aaron comes home the next day to a sight he had never expected in a million years. He opens the door and Robert’s sitting on the sofa, talking to Liv. Or rather, they are on the playstation racing against each other. 

“What’s going on ‘ere?” Aaron asks. 

Liv shrugs with her eyes fixed on the screen. “Robert texted, asked if we could talk.” 

“And you said yes?” Aaron asks, still incredulous. 

“Well he’s here, isn’t he?” Liv retorts before yelping with glee as her car makes it over the finish line before Robert’s. “Suck it,” she exclaims, delighted. Robert sighs in mock frustration and sets the controller down on the table. 

Finally their eyes shift and they both look at Aaron, sheepish grins on their faces. “Is something going to tell me what happened?” Aaron asks.

“I have homework,” Liv says and gets up. Before leaving she turns around and smiles at Robert. “See you Saturday?” 

Robert nods, eyes sparkling. “Yeah,” he replies. 

Aaron waits until she has bounded up the stairs before he asks: “What just happened?” 

Robert smiles as Aaron sits down next to him. “I figured after everything I should come over and talk to her, try and sort the two of us out without you there.” 

“You are mad, you know that?” Aaron jests. 

“Mad about you,” Robert replies and Aaron groans. Of course he would say that. “Anyway, I came over and we sat down and I… apologised to her. I didn’t just hurt you when I slept with Rebecca, I hurt her as well. So I told her what had happened since then, told her about Seb and about you and me, tried to make her understand that this isn’t just something that’s going to go away…” 

“Everything that happened isn’t completely on you,” Aaron says but Robert just shakes his head. 

“I owed her, yeah? After everything, she relied on me more than I expected and when I messed up, I ruined that too. I needed to say it,” he says. He’s leaning back in the sofa almost as if it’s his, as if he can relax here, as if - but no, not yet. 

Aaron stares at him, freckles and blond hair and gorgeous eyes and Aaron’s heart swells until he feels like it is almost too big for his chest. Instead of saying that, saying something about all the thoughts and emotions running through him, he nods towards the kitchen and says: “Brew?” 

Robert’s mouth tugs into a smile but he shakes his head. “Nah, I need to get back, Diane could only have Seb for about two hours and my time’s almost up.” 

“Right,” Aaron says, trying to make sure his disappointment isn’t clear. “Saturday?” 

“Saturday,” Robert replies.

 

Liv stares at the ground when Aaron asks her, hands in her pockets and eyes fixed. She’s coming around to the idea of Robert, maybe seeing Aaron smiling more is changing her mind but when Aaron’s finished talking she looks up and he can see the skepticism in her eyes, the wariness. 

“You want me to meet his son?” she asks. 

Aaron sighs, rubs his hands together. “He’s coming over for dinner and I suggested he bring Seb yeah. It can wait, but at some point you’re probably going to have to meet him.” 

The bites her bottom lip and her knee starts bouncing. “Alright.” 

“Sure?” he asks. 

“You two’ll be all over each other soon enough, I’d better get used to it,” she says. Her words are harsh but her voice is soft. 

“I’ll let him know,” Aaron replies. She nods once, perfunctory and quick, before leaving to go to Gabby’s. 

 

Saturday comes around and Aaron feels giddy. Liv’s helping him cook - nothing fancy but something that they learned to make since living without Robert. It doesn’t feel wrong, it doesn’t feel forced. The past seems forgotten behind the knowledge of what’s to come, of their possible future. The sting has disappeared and left in its wake a happiness that Aaron can’t remember ever feeling, pervasive and good. 

Robert knocks on the door a bit earlier than anticipated but Aaron doesn’t care. He lets him in while Liv finishes the lasagne and Robert is carrying a sleeping Seb in a small chair, a bag slung over his shoulder. 

“Hiya,” Aaron says and Robert grins back at him. 

“Smells good,” is his reply. “Hi Liv,” he says and she waves at him while putting the finishing touches on the food before putting it in the oven. “There’s someone I’d like you to meet.” 

She walks over after washing her hands, eyes fixed on Seb as she approaches. 

Aaron places his hand in Robert’s, intertwines their fingers and Robert shoots him a small smile. “Liv, this is Seb.” He’s waking up slightly, eyes opening at the sound of his father’s voice. “I’ve brought some stuff in case he needs food or a change,” Robert says. 

“Yeah that fine,” Aaron replies. “Want something to drink?” 

“A beer’d be good,” he says. “Just the one though.” 

Liv is still looking at Seb, watching him warily as he lifts his hand and wraps his fingers around hers. Robert’s smiling like an idiot and Aaron’ll have to tease him for it. For now Liv’s smiling and stroking Seb’s hand. 

Before long she holds him as he giggles. 

They eat together, easy and with Seb sleeping happily behind them. 

Later, Liv leaves to sleep at Gabby’s and Robert deposits Seb with his aunt before returning. 

Later, Aaron pulls him upstairs, tugging at his hand as they fumble up the narrow staircase. Later, Aaron remembers exactly what it is like to take his husband apart, put him back together with small licks and deeper kisses. 

Later…

Later…

Later...

For now, Aaron is smiling and Robert is smiling right back. 

  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kudos and comments are much appreciated! I'm @escapingreality51 on tumblr if you want to say hi!

**Author's Note:**

> kudos and comments are appreciated. I'm @escapingreality51 on tumblr if you want to say hi!


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